I lay back and allow my head to sink into the water just past my ears where it rests on my cheekbones as I stare at the aged, white ceiling. The water continues to rush from the faucet, and I can hear the muffled melodies coming from my phone on the other side of the bathtub wall. As I lay here, I allow the muffled noise to drown out the noises in my mind. I breathe in deep and I can feel my breath as it causes the pressure of the water to plug my ears even tighter than before. I breathe out and feel the rumble of my breath at the forefront of my head accompanied by the faintest high-pitched whistle. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Slowly my mind winds down and my body settles into the floor of the bathtub. My wandering mind becomes still for just a moment. Time stops and it’s as if my mind is graciously telling my soul, it’s ok. When the world slows down and I rest in the silence, I find peace in my struggle.
It’s not often I find complete confidence in day-to-day events. We are all faced with trials, struggles, pain and tragedy, and none of these make our journey through life easy. In fact, they at times make the journey a daunting task. There will always be seasons where we are presented with challenges that seem impossible to face, but there will also be seasons that are blessed with immeasurable amounts of joy. I tell myself through a season of pain and loss that I can do it, one moment at a time, I’m not alone. If I continue to press on and process through that pain, I know I can truly find a joy that’s indestructible.
When I’m stuck in the tornadic winds of emotion, crying tears until my well is run dry, it’s there I find hope. I find hope in the little things. I find hope in the friends that surround me when my family is far. I find hope in the song that encouraged my soul at just the right second. I find hope in the gut wrenching laughter with my roommates at the end of a draining day. I find hope when I see that man open the door to help the elderly woman. I find hope in that baby that releases the most over joyed giggle as he stares into his mother’s eyes. I find hope when I wake up in the morning and witness the sun rising. I find hope because I know there is more, there is good, and in all of that there is God. Therefore, I’ll wake up in the morning and dress myself with joy because I trust that through this journey, when my body is tired, my soul is weary, and I feel discouragement at my fingertips, I know His love and experience His goodness in the depths of my soul.